This is gross, but I feel I must share. 4 Friday's ago, while I was at clinical, I began to scratch furiously at my lower back. I kept scratching and scratching until finally I got the brains to ask a classmate to check out my back. Apparently it's "covered in little red bumps and super red." So I'm thinking to myself, "Self, you're super stressed out and hot in this hellacious uniform(note the sexy picture) they make us wear, so I'm probably breaking out in a rash because of that." So, this lovely rash spreads up my back...and onto my arms...and my hip bones...and the back of my thighs...and my stomach. I made one trip to the doctor I used to go to when I was little, because he could get me in sooner than my regular doctor. This man is a tried and true Southerner, that loves the South, rebel flags, guns, and I've never asked, but probably has a mom tattoo somewhere. He also loves to cuss. You can pretty much guarantee a visit to him means hearing some wordy durds. I'm actually pretty upset if I don't hear any while I'm there...Is that bad? After waiting for hours....he comes in and looks at it, tells me it's a contact dermatitis, orders a Cortisone shot for my butt, and a 7 day steroid pack for good measure. I ask, "Do you think it's from stress? What do you think caused me to just break out like this?", to which he replied, "HELL!! You might never know what caused the damn thing!" YESSSSSSS......So there you have it, I am officially a nerd that has developed allergies to some "damn" something or other. I went to my regular doctor who wasn't sure what it was either, but sent me to get an ultrasound on my lower leg because it has decided to go numb...for whatever reason. Apparently my body is revolting against itself?? Anywho, no blood clot, just a dumb numb leg and this rash. So I call back a couple days later and tell her it's still here, and spreading. She calls and makes an appointment with a dermatologist. I go to said dermatologist, who happens to be a nurse practitioner, and fill out the three hundred sheets of paperwork that ask you everything from whether you've had cancer to warts in your nostrils. "No, No, No, No, No, No, No, None, None, What tha?????, No, No, Asthma, The End." So I bring the paperwork back and they tell me they have to have a picture of me made for their computer. Why does no one tell you these things? So after I take the shocked, freshly born rat(what with all the pink itchiness), cavewoman, that's very confused as to where she is picture, they call me back. I sit in this random upright huge chair that would accommodate a Sumo wrestler, and stare at the very blank, dull walls. They really should put some things on the walls or ceiling or something. I mean, anyone that's in this room with nothing to look at is wondering to themselves, "Can you get the chicken pox twice? Do flea bites really look this bad? Who did I sleep with that gave me these lesions? or in my case..."Maybe the doc was wrong! Maybe one of my patients gave me the scabies and they have already started creeping, crawling, and building tunneling systems..." "Hi, so what brings you in today?" I reply, "Oh, this rash...yadda yadda..." I tell when it started, how I want to throw my skin in a vat of oil and then the washing machine and hopefully stop this accursed itching that is the worst itch of my life, etc.. She looks at it, immediately pulls out a notepad, writes a prescription for a cream and tells me how important it is to keep calm,(YA THINK??!!)gets up from her chair and acts like she's about to walk out. I stop her. "Um, so uh, this isn't scabies?? I mean, I itch like nobody's business and I've heard they itch really bad. And I DO work in a hospital." "No, not scabies for sure. You're not itching between your fingers right?" "Nope" "Well, doesn't look like scabies and you'd itch between your fingers for sure." I start to feel cheated of my money immediately and before she can leave the room I pull my shirt up and say, " Hey! Would you check out this mole?!" And of course, one glance says it's fine and dandy. Well, that's good at least. One more reason to "stay calm." Anyways, my prescription is this steroid business in a base of thick petroleum jelly type loveliness that I am to smear all over affected areas(aka my entire freaking body) twice daily. That's right, you got it, petroleum jelly smeared all over your body twice daily. Oh yeah... I randomly glance at my arms and think "Oh dear God! First the rash and now I'm growing ridiculous amounts of baby arm hair!??!!!??....Oh....that's just every random fuzz that came within 10 feet of me today stuck in my steroid cream." So finally I decide that it is my laundry detergent that I'm allergic to. I'm 90% sure I'm right with this because the other day I put on my Tigers hoodie that well, I haven't washed since last Winter...so sue me...and my arms start flaring up and itching like a band of dirty hippies. The rash is going crazy and having a party. I take off the hoodie, wash my arms, put on a freshly washed( in sensitive skin detergent with no smells etc...awwww how sweet) sweater and a few minutes later, vwala!! no more itching. So I'm gradually washing all my stuff in my new Charlies sensitive skin wash powder I got from Whole Foods.(Gentle enough for babies!! That should do it!) So that's my saga. I am currently itch free and fading off of the goo cream. I bought some new body wash that's hypoallergenic and lavender scented(how soothing-aww) and use that combined with my gentle skin wash the worthless dermatologist practitioner lady gave me. I haven't used perfume in weeks(SUCKS!) and am gradually incorporating my JASON all natural Vanilla lotion in with my Eucerin (yousoitchy nuttinelseworks)lotion.I guess all that's left to say is, thank God in heaven it's not the scabies!
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