Still Here

Waiting for the breath to return to my lungs
Desperate for my clouded heart to let in the sun

I am broken and can't find my pieces and I admit I've lost the desire
Can't keep up with this race in my mind
Feel like I'm running, going nowhere and it keeps me so tired

I fell for you and it seems I can't get up
Left down here feeling not quite good enough

You've made my food lose it's taste
I eat because I should
I am filled up with the memory of your face

I felt something break when you said you need to get over me
Pictured you building a bridge over this tumultuous sea

My desire to love has been stabbed
I never again want to feel this deep, this vulnerable,
impoverished, depleted, and flat

Time and again you hurt me with the word "distraction" thrown in my face
It seems that's a role I fulfilled for you
My only place

I'm so sick of having anyone's pity, and coming from you the biggest wound to my pride
Bleeding my starving heart, making sure it doesn't get what it desires

I don't want to move on
I love you too much to even breathe
It's not just my new found allergy to tequila and has only a small thing to do with this heat

This misery and torture unnerves me
These words that I write are not just words
This is my heart pounding, head turning, blood flowing
This... is my hurt
-ABH-