Texties That Make Me :)

Hi it's Ross. Just wanted to let you know we missed you on Sunday! Jul 12, 2010

Too funny was just makin fun of those commercials. Forgot the two for price of one! :) Jul 17, 2010

Filled with anger right now Jul 19, 2010

Good Lord. You are busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. Jul 21, 2010

Ahh...poor bee..now its gonna die...:) on a serious note that particular bee deserves to die...did u get the stinger out? Jul 24, 2010

Wana hike Thursday around 3? Hike to lake, jump in lake? Aug 2,2010

Know the feeling when i try to change channels with telephone. I don't have crazy schedule to blame..:P don't respond to this text..:)..:)

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aug 3, 2010

Dude, there is the craziest delay. Let us know what u all want to do. Luv to see u saucy gals. Aug 4, 2010

Still comin' up tomorrow? Aug 5, 2010

Poor baby. You will make it. Just breathe and read some trashy material. Did I mention Cory is a gay hooker? Aug 5, 2010

Really cuz I just squeezed a little brown one in my pants Aug 6, 2010

My 2 precious girls Aug 7, 2010

We just went over a big dam reservoir Aug 8, 2010

My butt typed most of that Aug 12, 2010

I hate tunder! Oh noooo. Isth terrifying. Aug 13, 2010

I'm going to climb your anger wall one day and it will be glorious! Aug 14, 2010

Mmm...fizzy skittles...That's ur new nickname by the way :-)
1. Cuz ur spunky & fruity 2. u know ur a success whn u share names w/a candy! Aug 16, 2010

Be calm and have a cupcake. Aug 17, 2010

I need tissue Aug 18, 2010

Haha. Bad cat. But how will I claw your boobies big breasted lady? - DJ
I'm so depressed. First my nuts, now dis Aug 19, 2010

That melon is delicious! You should get you a big juicy slice! Aug 22, 2010

O calm down and get over it! Hehe
Well I love you... Aug 22, 2010

Sorry. Forgot to call you. We made it. Had fun with you! Love you! Aug 22, 2010

That's what happens when your a popular person that has a ton on their plate :) Aug 24, 2010

Picture this. The hunter with deer head and gun sitting on toilet. Of course dodo is in toilet. Hunter's pants down around his feet. Will have to get kacky colored pants to stuff to make bottom half of body so hunter camoflauge can be down Aug 24, 2010

not a good sign..shouldda been pondering what we just read..yup not a good sign Aug 24, 2010

dont think you will outgrow it..nope. Aug 24, 2010

well im 68 so think its a talent one is born with..u have an abundance of talent and creativity in the fun dpt. I luv how u cant help smiling no matter what happens to u..well i will say good night so we can stop texting and go to bed...goodnight.. Aug 24, 2010

Yes. Yes. And perhaps you could get some tse tse flies too... Aug 26, 2010

You are both awesome. You make me so proud :-) Aug 27, 2010

I just went to the bathroom and scared myself in the mirror. Ha. Sep 8, 2010

It's gonna be ok Sep 10, 2010

Im already here!!! Sep 10, 2010 5:14am

Got my CHINESE FOOD woo Sep 10, 2010

Yo Brookala! Missin you up in Dickson! Going to have to do sompthin soon girl. Guess I need to make my way down there so we can bless the rains down in Memphis. Sep 11, 2010

It's coffee and sanding time my little Smurfs Sep 14, 2010

Don't let him try and give you a shot of whiskey and amputate anything...
Well at least you have your legs, I guess... The South's gonna rise again! Dammit! Sep 17, 2010

Me so o jist emailed to to hrt Sep 20, 2010 2:05am

So any plans for your last hours as a 26 yr old :) Sep 20, 2010

27? Sep 21, 2010

Well sparky happy 27th! Sep 21, 2010

I couldn't wear it :'( seems im a dd and they dont come that big. There is no way these tube socks r dd's :-S Sep 21, 2010

You r way bigger! Probably cause i have to wad em up and stuff em in Sep 21, 2010

2 words...mule jump Sep 23, 2010

who? Tina? (when I asked guess who started an iv today and got it on the first try??)
Wow, I actually thought it was you, I was just trying to be funny...haha :)
I was JK, that I was JK :) Sep 24, 2010

Great news scratchy Sep 30, 2010

look out maggie i think i got something to say to u. its late september and i really should be back in school. Ok so ur not maggie..but its late september and u r going to class tonight...:) (to which I said, "You're so weird")
thats why u luv me. i think Sep 30, 2010

Gotta love mom & dad! Sep 30, 2010

Oh well too late...Sock monkeys are crashing Oct 1, 2010

I love you too much. Im sorry I was mean. Im just trying to keep my head up. THats all. Dont be sad about me. Im still here Oct 2, 2010

I'm sorry to stress you out about his but this is something I've dreamed about since I was a little boy and it's finally coming true. Oct 8, 2010

One tooth came in today again lookin mighty fine. She had it all shined up! Oct 8, 2010

Am so excited and I just can't hide it. Am about to lose control and I think I like it. Good morning good morning good morning!!! Oct 9, 2010

In The Ghetto

It's one of those fun shuffle your iPod games. Everybody should know I'm a sucker for these. Here goes..

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS, “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Jo Meri Rooh Ko (Well, that's about right)



2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Flowers In The Windows



3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Ignorance (oh dear, but mostly true! HA)



4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

Pistola (um, once again, oh dear)



5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Southern Girl (yee haw)



6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Incomplete



7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?

Dangerous



8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Heaven's Dead



9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Savior



10. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Rock Steady



11. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Broken (um, well not so much)


12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

If You Can't Slow Down



13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Love Hurts



14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Morningstar



15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner (or in the ground apparently)



16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

The Terrible Secret (pole dancing..I'llllll never telllll)



17. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Open Book



18. WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

T'es beau, tu sais



19. HOW WILL YOU DIE?

Beautiful Day (Well at least I have that..)



20. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Keep Feeling Fascination (That'll get ya every time)



21. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Timing is Reason



22. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Number Five With A Bullet



23. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Pilgrim(That doesn't sound hopeful)



24. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Maybe(that's actually a good one!)



25. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Don't Leave Home(Well looks like mom and daddy do! Yeah I'm 50 and live at home! You got a problem with that punk??!!)



26. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

I Only Have Eyes For You (crap)



27. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Heartbreaker



28. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

In the Ghetto

What always happens. Life.

"I love his smile. I love his hair. I love his knees. I love how he licks his lips before he talks. I love his heart-shaped birthmark on his neck. I love it when he sleeps.

I hate his crooked teeth. I hate his 1960s haircut. I hate his knobby knees. I hate his cockroach-shaped splotch on his neck. I hate the way he smacks his lips before he talks. I hate the way he sounds when he laughs.

I HATE THIS SONG!!"

The Scabies or Not the Scabies, That Is the Question

This is gross, but I feel I must share. 4 Friday's ago, while I was at clinical, I began to scratch furiously at my lower back. I kept scratching and scratching until finally I got the brains to ask a classmate to check out my back. Apparently it's "covered in little red bumps and super red." So I'm thinking to myself, "Self, you're super stressed out and hot in this hellacious uniform(note the sexy picture) they make us wear, so I'm probably breaking out in a rash because of that." So, this lovely rash spreads up my back...and onto my arms...and my hip bones...and the back of my thighs...and my stomach. I made one trip to the doctor I used to go to when I was little, because he could get me in sooner than my regular doctor. This man is a tried and true Southerner, that loves the South, rebel flags, guns, and I've never asked, but probably has a mom tattoo somewhere. He also loves to cuss. You can pretty much guarantee a visit to him means hearing some wordy durds. I'm actually pretty upset if I don't hear any while I'm there...Is that bad? After waiting for hours....he comes in and looks at it, tells me it's a contact dermatitis, orders a Cortisone shot for my butt, and a 7 day steroid pack for good measure. I ask, "Do you think it's from stress? What do you think caused me to just break out like this?", to which he replied, "HELL!! You might never know what caused the damn thing!" YESSSSSSS......So there you have it, I am officially a nerd that has developed allergies to some "damn" something or other. I went to my regular doctor who wasn't sure what it was either, but sent me to get an ultrasound on my lower leg because it has decided to go numb...for whatever reason. Apparently my body is revolting against itself?? Anywho, no blood clot, just a dumb numb leg and this rash. So I call back a couple days later and tell her it's still here, and spreading. She calls and makes an appointment with a dermatologist. I go to said dermatologist, who happens to be a nurse practitioner, and fill out the three hundred sheets of paperwork that ask you everything from whether you've had cancer to warts in your nostrils. "No, No, No, No, No, No, No, None, None, What tha?????, No, No, Asthma, The End." So I bring the paperwork back and they tell me they have to have a picture of me made for their computer. Why does no one tell you these things? So after I take the shocked, freshly born rat(what with all the pink itchiness), cavewoman, that's very confused as to where she is picture, they call me back. I sit in this random upright huge chair that would accommodate a Sumo wrestler, and stare at the very blank, dull walls. They really should put some things on the walls or ceiling or something. I mean, anyone that's in this room with nothing to look at is wondering to themselves, "Can you get the chicken pox twice? Do flea bites really look this bad? Who did I sleep with that gave me these lesions? or in my case..."Maybe the doc was wrong! Maybe one of my patients gave me the scabies and they have already started creeping, crawling, and building tunneling systems..." "Hi, so what brings you in today?" I reply, "Oh, this rash...yadda yadda..." I tell when it started, how I want to throw my skin in a vat of oil and then the washing machine and hopefully stop this accursed itching that is the worst itch of my life, etc.. She looks at it, immediately pulls out a notepad, writes a prescription for a cream and tells me how important it is to keep calm,(YA THINK??!!)gets up from her chair and acts like she's about to walk out. I stop her. "Um, so uh, this isn't scabies?? I mean, I itch like nobody's business and I've heard they itch really bad. And I DO work in a hospital." "No, not scabies for sure. You're not itching between your fingers right?" "Nope" "Well, doesn't look like scabies and you'd itch between your fingers for sure." I start to feel cheated of my money immediately and before she can leave the room I pull my shirt up and say, " Hey! Would you check out this mole?!" And of course, one glance says it's fine and dandy. Well, that's good at least. One more reason to "stay calm." Anyways, my prescription is this steroid business in a base of thick petroleum jelly type loveliness that I am to smear all over affected areas(aka my entire freaking body) twice daily. That's right, you got it, petroleum jelly smeared all over your body twice daily. Oh yeah... I randomly glance at my arms and think "Oh dear God! First the rash and now I'm growing ridiculous amounts of baby arm hair!??!!!??....Oh....that's just every random fuzz that came within 10 feet of me today stuck in my steroid cream." So finally I decide that it is my laundry detergent that I'm allergic to. I'm 90% sure I'm right with this because the other day I put on my Tigers hoodie that well, I haven't washed since last Winter...so sue me...and my arms start flaring up and itching like a band of dirty hippies. The rash is going crazy and having a party. I take off the hoodie, wash my arms, put on a freshly washed( in sensitive skin detergent with no smells etc...awwww how sweet) sweater and a few minutes later, vwala!! no more itching. So I'm gradually washing all my stuff in my new Charlies sensitive skin wash powder I got from Whole Foods.(Gentle enough for babies!! That should do it!) So that's my saga. I am currently itch free and fading off of the goo cream. I bought some new body wash that's hypoallergenic and lavender scented(how soothing-aww) and use that combined with my gentle skin wash the worthless dermatologist practitioner lady gave me. I haven't used perfume in weeks(SUCKS!) and am gradually incorporating my JASON all natural Vanilla lotion in with my Eucerin (yousoitchy nuttinelseworks)lotion.I guess all that's left to say is, thank God in heaven it's not the scabies!

Congratulations Are In Order

To my friend who left me in the lurch and who left me alone to crawl
To my friend who burned me at the stake and grinned as she watched my body fall

For my friend who threw poison darts in my back and responded with a shocked "gasp!!"
For my friend who heard them all talk and responded with a full hearty laugh

My dear friend that slapped me over and over, you truly deserve an award
My dear friend my stupidity was more than a deserved reward

To the friends that made sure the swift hand of justice came down hard as I lay dying
To the friends who threw me to wolves because my broken heart was "just lying"

For all of the friends who hear whispers and think that they truly know who I am
For all of the friends who turn their backs and think that I'm just a scam

My hat goes off to all of you friends, for you've truly put us through hell
Working long hours kicking me when I'm down, you've all done your job so well

Maybe when someone I love has died and our hearts are lurching across the floor
You can spit on her grave, shake your heads in disgust, and know that we still deserve more

-ABH-

Daisy

And we sing this morning that wonderful and grand old message.
And I don't know about you but I never get tired of it
Number 99: Just As I Am.

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a river that is all dried up
I'm an ocean nothing floats on
I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in
I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot
I'm a moon that never shows its face
I'm a mouth that doesn't smile
I'm a word that no one ever wants to say...

(Uh, uh, by the will of thee
He wasn't finding anybody when he was on a shelf
I saw him in my dream)

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run
I'm a preacher with no pulpit
Spewing a sermon that goes on and on...

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn to seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like you knew he was trying to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn to seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like you knew he was trying to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

(You've done enough to be saved
But you're gonna miss out
Now you don't know your rights from your wrongs
It's the greatest of love
Now don't say you'll be there and then leave
Or don't mention all the hurt that you've seen
Or don't say he's in love
It's the greatest of love)

Good Clean Fun (Well, Sort Of)

(I started this post some time ago....DOH!)You know those times when you have kids in your group and you end up doing something that you haven't done since you were a kid yourself? I've been thinking about all that fun stuff lately. For instance, yesterday was our dear friends Tommy and Deone Spencer's 36th anniversary and we all went to the Kooky Kanuck to celebrate. Well, the table across from us had several kids that obviously "belonged" to the parents and then a few other friends that had come along. The parents ordered Shirley Temple's all around and when they came out, those kids acted like it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. And as I watched them, I remembered feeling that same way. Back when getting your sugar water with extra sugar water AND cherries in it was a HUGE deal. It's never on the menu of any restaurant but everybody knows what it is. I even thought it was so fancy just the sound of ordering one. "I'd like a Shirley Temple, please."

Or what about the sheer amount of joy that rushed through your veins when you got to run through a sprinkler....in your clothes!!??! This is something that grown-ups never consider doing. We don't want to get our makeup runny, mess up our hair, or God forbid, look like foolish kids. Well, a few weeks ago, I was with my niece and nephew at a free kids show held here. It was one of those typical Southern Summer days where the wind stays put, the sun is beaming from ear to ear, the Cicadas are singing their loud, clear song, and no one moves too fast to get where they're going. Needless to say, the crowd was glistening from every angle. Well, there at the bottom of the hill, someone had placed a water sprinkler for the kids to cool off in.
Now, it has been probably 15 years since I've had a Shirley Temple and I think that's a big fat shame. And I wished I had gotten one instead of my beer, just because. And at that concert for the kids, I considered not getting in that sprinkler, but I did it. And ooooh it felt so good. Their mom, my sister, and I kept running down the hill with the kids and getting in the sprinkler when we got hot. It made me feel like a kid again.
This brings me to my antics the other night. Let me back up a little. I was coming home from a late class the other night and I noticed that someone had rolled a tree in our front yard. It was a most peculiar rolling, only one tree. Well we found out who did it and so we concocted a plan to get her back. Get her back we did. The pictures you see are our devilish attacks on a not so innocent friend. ;) I got the whole plan together and was quite proud of myself. They were showing Sabrina at the Summer movie series at the Orpheum and before the movie, offering a wine tasting. I enlisted the help of another dear friend who took "Lil' D"* to the movie for a girls night, where we all met up with her after we had done the damage. "Fancy seeing you here!" We all acted so innocent. Well, after the movie was over, we followed them home from afar. I don't know if it was more fun putting the toilet paper and paper towels all over everything or hearing her reaction later when she called us laughing hysterically. And one of the greatest parts is we show up to the house and no one is supposed to be home. Well, her husband was back in town unexpectedly and he came outside and saw us. My dear sweet mom who would give the shirt off of her back to anyone, and doesn't have a mean bone in her body I'm sure of it, marched right up to him and asked if we could roll the yard. He promptly said, "no." "Lil' M" looked shocked and turned to another one of our bandits and said, "Huh! He said we can't roll it!!!" She was so disappointed. Well, my sweet mom steps in again and says, "Well, she rolled mine!!" And so he said, "ha..ok." And we got to rollin'. I was so proud...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent ;)