Us

   Wow. What an evolved person I am today from when I started this blog. I am sitting in the Atlanta airport listening to a saxophone player next to me, the buzz of Spanish to my left, Australian accents to my right, a Cuba Libre flowing through me putting me at perfect ease, and right beside me, my husband, my pillar. I have no idea where I was before this man. He was sent to me straight from Jehovah. I am utterly in love with this moment, with him. I can't believe I'm sitting here right now, so happy. I feel unworthy. But here I am. I'm now an "us." Headed to Puerto Rico for our honeymoon in an hour! Life is great. -----sigh-----

Snow Patrol - Run

?

You know, the pain drifts to days, turns to nights. But it slowly will subside. And when it does, I'll take a step. I'll take a breath and wonder what I've found. Feel what I'm saying. Got my mind meditating on love. The human condition. Check the meaning. Guess it's life, doing it's thing, making you cry, making you think. Yea, life, dealing it's hand, making you cry and you don't understand. Making you think. Of pain. The human condition. Big decisions. -Richard Ashcroft

Thank You For You

You're still here whispering, but the truth is still ringing in my ears
And yea, I got the message.
The part of me always missing made it loud and clear.

And I wish that I regretted you
And that I wanted to forget.
But you changed me, made me whole, made me truly let go

And now our fates our intertwined
And part of your heart I keep locked wholly in mine

I imagine our lives lived out with each other but try not to
For I know this means never moving on from the "us" that is just me in love with you

I retrace any of the times when I think it started to go wrong
But I'm left remembering our beautiful existence that never even lasted that long

The deep engravement of you is chiseled on my soul, coalesced with my breath, braided into my thoughts
I never even realized I was being overtaken by you
I certainly never imagined having to deal with this loss

I love you like I will never love another
My heart beat with yours unlike any other

But I am so thankful that I was able to feel that way
It was all worth it to feel like yours for even our brevity of days

I am plagued with the thought that I might never feel that deep again
Maybe it's true that I'm destined to never be the wife, but eternally the friend
-ABH-

A Short Story

...So she removed his glasses and he looked over the edge for the first time and saw a beautiful world of vibrant colors. His weary eyes had never beheld such things, and with such clarity. The sun had never shone in those tired eyes, he never knew that they were capable of seeing such light. "I am eternally grateful to you for making me see!!" he cried. She kissed his eyes and felt truly happy for the boy. Then suddenly, terror came across his face. He reached far behind him to grab the glasses. "What's wrong? Why do you reach for those when you are now able to see?" she asked with confusion in her face. "I'm so sorry," the boy replied, "This is all so beautiful and wonderful, but dear lady, I am no good at this task. And I miss the comfort the dark brings." And so, with her shoulders rolled forward and head held low, she walked away, confused, saddened, and disappointed that the boy couldn't appreciate the light he had been shown. She had brought the light with her and placed it gently back into it's box where she locked it and threw the key into a raging river that ran beside where she walked. "Never again will I share this with eyes that can't see," she thought to herself. She took several steps forward but remained where she was standing. No matter how many steps she took, she remained there, with the boy still within speaking distance. Using her bare hands, she began to claw at the earth beneath her. She dug and dug. Her hands did not tire and she was determined to claw her way far enough beneath the earth where the boy could no longer see her, for she was now somewhat ashamed of the light she carried. Finally, after what must have been days she thought, she had found her way to where she could no longer see the sun above her head. She felt the calm of being alone in the cool, damp earth. Just her, the soil, and the box. It was then that she realized there was no way for her to climb back out, yet she wasn't frightened, only tired, so tired. She lay her head over and let the comfort of quiet stillness pass over her and her eyes drifted close. And at that moment she thought of the boy and how now they were both in the darkness, together. And she smiled.
-ABH-

Still Here

Waiting for the breath to return to my lungs
Desperate for my clouded heart to let in the sun

I am broken and can't find my pieces and I admit I've lost the desire
Can't keep up with this race in my mind
Feel like I'm running, going nowhere and it keeps me so tired

I fell for you and it seems I can't get up
Left down here feeling not quite good enough

You've made my food lose it's taste
I eat because I should
I am filled up with the memory of your face

I felt something break when you said you need to get over me
Pictured you building a bridge over this tumultuous sea

My desire to love has been stabbed
I never again want to feel this deep, this vulnerable,
impoverished, depleted, and flat

Time and again you hurt me with the word "distraction" thrown in my face
It seems that's a role I fulfilled for you
My only place

I'm so sick of having anyone's pity, and coming from you the biggest wound to my pride
Bleeding my starving heart, making sure it doesn't get what it desires

I don't want to move on
I love you too much to even breathe
It's not just my new found allergy to tequila and has only a small thing to do with this heat

This misery and torture unnerves me
These words that I write are not just words
This is my heart pounding, head turning, blood flowing
This... is my hurt
-ABH-

Just These Small Things

Please don't make me get over you
I promise to lay quietly still
Please let me lie inaudibly beneath you
For I'm sure that I am strong enough willed

I won't ask but a few small things from you dear
You won't even notice this pitiful ghost
If you could let it just shadow you on lonely days
It promises to make sure and not get too close

My body simply asks to revel in your presence
And picture visions of you pumping it's veins
It implores you to let it keep pretending
It's not lying in our sweet love's remains

My days can't stand the din of our silence
They've become far too used to our sound
So they ask as your eyes dance over your stories and verses,
"Would you once in a while read some pages aloud?"

My ears entreat you to hear your voice my love
You see, they have no way to even reply
My arms would like to pretend they can still wrap around you
When clouds form blue rain drops in your eyes

My fingers beseech you to let them dance with your brushes
And curl themselves around your palette with care
They'll maybe feel your creative frustrations
And it'll be like your fingers are there

My mouth is by far the most demanding
It refuses anything less than what it had
Perhaps you could just humor it with yours every so often
Only so it is not overwhelmingly sad

It's becoming quite clear to me I'm no good overseeing this dreadful task
So please sir, may I be excused?
There must be thousands better than these
Willing to work at this and leave me undisturbed and bemused
-ABH-